I have to give credit to this government. Credit where credit is due. Whilst they sell the idea that the Welfare State leads to subsidised lifestyles, and, as an inevitable result, to crime, they themselves continue to live lives of immeasurable privilege. Privilege based on the largesse of inheritance, of tax havens various and the Lord only knows what else.
Personally, right now, I don’t want to know what else. I’ve got way beyond wanting to know any more.
Anyhow, tomorrow’s a special day in the British calendar of iniquitous Coalition decisions. Tomorrow, thousands of millionaires get tax cuts of tens of thousands of pounds. A day of deep unhappiness, you might argue. A day of great injustice.
[...] it’s such a shame really: whilst the debate is about this number or that, it could really be – should really be – about competence: in the case of Iain Duncan Smith, our beloved Minister for No-Work and Haircutted-Pensions, we should be talking about his lack of leadership, his inability to manage change and his absence of real ambition for his adopted country.
So tomorrow, then, we have a third opportunity to hold the Coalition – and by extension, in this case, the millionaires who sustain it – to calm and measured account. I suppose their argument, we could call it the Millionaires’ Mantra, runs as follows (oh, and please do correct me if I’m wrong – I really don’t bite, you know; I hardly even bark):
Millionaires are only where they are because they’re clever at making money.
In their millionaire lives, millionaires are only interested in making more money; but
Millionaires need even more money to want to make more money.
Giving millionaires more money means they make more money for themselves – which also allows them to have their accountants, political sponsors and extended hangers-on in (some of) that extra money.
For this reason – that is to say, their many obligations – millionaires who end up making more money for themselves feel good when they’re told they can pay poor people less; and
In any case we all know, since the government told us so, that poor people who have more money are lazier than poor people who have less money; so
Millionaires don’t see anything strange in that because poor people are obviously not as clever at making money as millionaires are.
Although occasionally, some millionaires do wonder if the world is as right as it could be.
They then weaken quite dramatically, become what are called “philanthropists” – and give away tiny proportions of huge amounts of the money which they didn’t pay the lazy poor in the first place.
This also makes them feel good about the poor and gives them a second chance to do “the right thing” all over again. (As well as, one day, enter the Pearly Gates of a Saintly Millionaires’ Heaven, after enjoying a life of fairly attractive luxury at the expense of almost everyone else.) (But I suppose that last bit’s just me barking a bit.)
These days, however, there is a curious – and potentially massive – coda to this mantra: as our government has decided, in all its bizarre foolishness, to argue that such ways of living millionaire lives must be engineered at a cost, all millionaires everywhere should realise they are now on stand-by.
Yes. It’s time you delivered, boys and girls!
It’s time the millionaire delivery boys and girls delivered their economic pizzas.
We’re watching you for signs of economic green shoots; we’re watching you to see if you’re capable of creating wealth; we watching you to see if you can make that economic miracle of trickle-down economics work its miracles yet again.
Oh, if only the tax system was properly adjusted to the needs of the rich, everything would be hunky-dory – in fact, crime-free – all bloody round. And if only we could set everything up in the interests of the rich, the poor would begin to … well … maybe even enjoy their poverty!